When You Can’t Find Your Voice

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Millfield Singing Praise My Soul  (BBC.co.uk)

When you’re trying to find yourself again, it’s hard to find your voice.

As many of you have probably realized, I’ve been less active on the blog lately. I’ve been feeling guilty about it, but at the same time I just simply haven’t had much to say. As I’ve been struggling in several areas of my life, I’ve just been needing to absorb some things and I’m learning that that’s okay. I’m learning not to panic over it. I will find my voice again. Actually, I will find His voice again and this I know…He is faithful to call. He is the same God yesterday, today and forever and sometimes life needs to slow down so that I can hear Him.

I have to remember that when I really want my kids’ attention, I usually have to whisper. Yelling just doesn’t seem to get their attention like a whisper. When I yell, they continue on with whatever they’re doing because they think they can still hear me, but when I whisper, they stop, they come closer, they lean in and their attention is focused on me. That’s what God’s been doing with me. He’s whispering and as I am pressing in closer, I can hear His sweet voice once again. He has never left me. He is still speaking to me. I just needed to attune myself to His volume. I still have no idea who I am right now, who I’m going to develop into, but I have confidence in the God who does know, my God, the one Who is Faithful and True.

For example…I have no idea who I am without sugar being key in my life (or flour for that matter), but my God knows.

I have no idea who I am without two boys at home, but my God knows.

I have no idea who I am without intense exercise in my life, but my God knows.

I have no idea who I am without the concentration to have long, intense devotional times with my Savior, but my God knows.

I have no idea who I am without being involved in EVERY single activity at church, but my God knows.

I have no idea who I am without being able to sing for as long and as loud as I want, but my God knows.

My God knows who I am and who He is developing me to be and I trust Him. I. Trust. Him.

As He is teaching me who He wants me to be in this season of my life, I’m starting to hear His whisper once again. I’m finally getting close enough again to hear. I’ve been a little mad and He knows that, but I’ve missed His arms. I’ve missed His voice. I LOVE His voice and now He is telling me that it’s okay if I give 30 minutes (or less) to Him each morning instead of longer. I find myself questioning this. After all, don’t you get closer to Him, don’t you become “better” the more time you devote to Him? I’m learning though that in times of fatigue, when you are simply trusting Him for the next step (literally), He actually likes that just as well. That knowing His presence is strengthening you, the minute-by- minute trusting, He’s really into that. I’m finally starting to rest in that knowledge, that whisper.

I’m also learning that it’s okay if boxes at church for a “good” pastor’s wife go unchecked. That’s a struggle…the wanting to be “the best pastor’s wife ever”. Good grief! Can you hear the pride? I finally can.

I’m learning that it’s okay if I have to lay in bed instead of walk some hills in order to reserve my energy to make supper later that day. I love exercise, but I’m learning that my priority is my family. I need to show it, not just say it.

I’m learning that it’s okay to feel His grace cover me when my concentration simply isn’t there to focus on Bible studies as before.

And, I’m learning that it’s okay to struggle with the want of sugar (and flour), but it’s also okay to know that He is able to do exceedingly, abundantly beyond whatever I could ask or think in the area of my food choices.

I’m also learning that God places people in my path who are there to strengthen and encourage and it’s okay to be vulnerable. They aren’t the usual sources and I am continually amazed, but His kindness through others has been astounding. Most don’t understand and don’t want to know what’s happening and I’m learning that that’s okay; it just makes the ones that do reach out shine like the treasures they are.

So, as I find my voice through Him once again, I pray that you do as well. I pray that if you know exactly who you are in Him today that you will shout it to the rooftops, but I pray that if you are struggling to find yourself, you will press in closer to Him. He has not forgotten you. He has you in the palm of His hand. He is Your Resource, Your Hope, Your Future. Hear His magnificent whisper to you today.

Seeking Hearts Ministries          My Story

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When God Doesn’t do what you Want

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I’ve said for some time now that there is a certain crisis of faith that comes to every human when deciding whether they believe God can do what He says He can do. Can He really save me? Can He really heal? Can He really drop manna from the sky? And then, there is the crisis of faith that comes when you know without a doubt that God can move mountains, but He’s just not doing it for you. I mean, what is more frustrating than knowing that someone, anyone, can help, they’re just choosing not to? When that happens, a whole new crisis of faith occurs. Your mountain is looming large and you know your God can move it, but He’s choosing not to and you are left floundering with questions. Is my God really good? Can my God really be trusted? Does He really have a plan for my good? Do I really matter to Him?

I’m not going to pretend to know all the answers to why God is allowing certain things in your life. I’m not even going to pretend to know why He is allowing certain things in my life. I’m not going to pretend to have the answers as to why God would allow children to have cancer, rapists to go free, or even why food can’t be put on every table this week? But, I can tell you (and me) what to focus on when God doesn’t do what we want Him to do.

Let me start by assuring you that you do indeed have a good God. You have a God who does choose to move mountains for you. You have a God who wants you to look like Him and act like Him and love Him as He loves you. You have a never failing, never ceasing, never forsaking God who has a detailed plan for you since before the first molecule was on this earth. Know that because it’s true.

Lamentations 3:17-26 says, “My soul has been deprived of peace; I have forgotten what happiness is. Then I thought: My future is lost, as well as my hope from the LORD. Remember my affliction and my homelessness, the wormwood and the poison. I continually remember them and have become depressed. Yet I call this to mind, and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD’s faithful love we do not perish, for His mercies never end. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness! I say: The LORD is my portion, therefore I will put my hope in Him. The LORD is good to those who wait for Him, to the person who seeks Him. It is good to wait quietly for deliverance from the LORD.” Verses 31-33 go on to say, “For the Lord will not reject us forever. Even if He causes suffering, He will show compassion according to His abundant, faithful love. For He does not enjoy bringing affliction or suffering on mankind.”

This passage is so great. We get to see the struggle that Jeremiah had with what was happening all around him and to him. He couldn’t understand it and he became depressed. He even admits in this passage that he lost his hope in the Lord. Then, he decided to remember who His God is. He decided to think about God’s faithfulness, His love and His mercies. He decided that The Lord was his portion for this life and his hope. He decided to rest in God knowing that His God would come through. God’s deliverance obviously wouldn’t look like Jeremiah thought it would. It obviously wouldn’t come at the time that Jeremiah thought that it should, but Jeremiah decided to look up, remember His God and trust. That’s the kind of faith I want, don’t you?

First John 1:5 tells us, “Now this is the message we have heard from Him and declare to you: God is light, and there is absolutely no darkness in Him.” You can trust that. Our God has no ulterior motives. He has no dark side. He is good. He is holy. He is true and He. Is. In. Love. With. You.

Song of Solomon 7:10 says, “I am my beloved’s, and his desire is toward me.” God’s desire is toward you. God wants to be with you. He wants to be so melded with you that all people see is Him being uniquely displayed through your personality, your giftings and your sweet face. He has fashioned you for such a time as this and will not stop pursuing you until every fiber of your being is His. He is obsessed with you. Hebrews 13:5 says He will never leave us and Zephaniah 3:17 says He sings over us.  That is not a God who fails. That is a God who loves. Believe that today. Know it with every fiber of your being. If you have to be like the father in Mark 9:24 who said, “I do believe!” and then, quickly added, “Help my unbelief,” so be it, but keep pressing in to your God. He can be trusted. He will come through. He will strengthen you for the task and He is worthy of every fragment of faith you place in Him. He has you, precious one. He has you. Rest in that today.

Seeking Hearts Ministries          My Story