When Your Youngest Leaves the Nest

Tags

all things are possible, changes, dealing with change, dealing with changes, dealing with retirement, empty nester, faith, family, God's faithfulness, grateful, home, homeschooling, how to deal with an empty nest, how to handle change, how to love the journey, how to trust God, it's a God thing, journeying on, only God, our faithful God, sending your kid to college for the first time, sending your kids to college, trusting God, trusting God with our children, what now, Who am I

I remember in late July of 2000, my oldest son Wes and I sat in a little corner alcove in a second floor apartment in Albany, Georgia, and began our school career. I say, “our” because my husband and I felt called by God to home school our kids. We never took for granted the call and prayed before each school year whether it was still the right decision for our family. In fact, at times, I may have even begged God that the call would change! That little alcove was the perfect size for a student desk, so we stacked our little books, prayed, and began our journey.

The reason why we started in July was because I was pregnant. Our second baby boy who was due in October, so I wanted to get a jump on things. I wanted to understand how this homeschooling thing was going to work before a new baby entered our world.

I could go on and on about my oldest son, Wes. He is so smart, y’all. He zoomed through Kindergarten and First Grade in the same year, graduated high school at sixteen, had me answering questions I never knew existed, and still to this day is one of the most motivated people I know. He’s amazing, but today, this blog is about my God, and that baby boy who we named Gabe.

Both of our boys are all grown up now, and as of tomorrow, my husband and I will officially be “empty nesters.” I can’t even describe all the emotions taking place. I am so proud of Gabe, so excited for him, and so looking forward to sharing with him this next journey of life, and yet, I’m sad. But more than being sad, I am in this incredible state of awe because I absolutely know that taking these kids from not being able to read and write, to the incredible, intelligent individuals they are is completely due to God’s empowerment.

I remember back in 2000, and often thereafter, reminding God that I’m great a starting things, but not so great at finishing them. I remember reminding Him that this is His call, so He has do it. And do you know what? He did. He always had my back.

I would hit a snag with curriculum that wasn’t quite what we needed, we would pray, and He would show us another path to choose.

I would teach a lesson and one of the boys would still have a glazed-over, no idea what I’m talking about look, I would pray, and God would give me an idea to come at the lesson from a different angle. Oftentimes, these ideas were so creative, that I knew it was not coming from me!

I would need strength to get up in the mornings and stick to our agenda. He would provide.

I would need flexibility to do what worked for us and not what a certain “expert” suggested. He would always give the grace to relax and depend only on Him.

I could fill page after page and give example after example of how God and only God homeschooled these boys for all these years. I just simply had the privilege of joining Him in the endeavor.

Mark 10:27 says, “Looking at them, Jesus said, ‘With men it is impossible, but not with God, because all things are possible with God’.” I have literally seen this verse be absolutely true in every single day of every single school year, but especially this last one. It reminds me of King David in II Samuel 7:18 where he says, “…Who am I, O Lord God, and what is my house, that Thou hast brought me this far?”

So, on Saturday, the day we drop our baby boy into the world of college life for the first time, I choose to remember that God has always had my back, He’s always had my boys’ backs, and He loves my kid even more than I do.

Not only that, but I am choosing to run into this next phase of life with joy, excitement for each day, and an expectation to see what God has for me, this homeschooling mom who’s now retired and knows without a doubt that her God can do anything.

Seeking Hearts Ministries

 

 

Advertisement

Getting Started Right

Tags

advice, are priorities important, career or family, Christianity, decisions, family, family or church, family time, first things first, focus, goals, how to choose what comes first, how to know that to do, how to make a good decision, how to set goals, how to set priorities, keeping first things first, listen to God's voice, listen to His voice, making great decisions, making room for the right things, priorities, relationships, setting boundaries, setting goals, starting the new year right, staying focused, staying focused this year, structuring your life, training, what are my priorities, why priorities help

At the beginning of each year I tend to think more about priorities than at any other time. Starting off “right” just seems like the proper thing to do. But, as the year wears on and obligations come up, my priorities tend to become a little fuzzy. I am apt to forget my true calling and focus on lesser things that have somehow invaded my life. I know that priorities are a great guideline for me, but I sometimes leave them behind when making a seemingly insignificant decision. So, I’ve decided to re-evaluate my thinking, put the fences back up and allow the priorities that God has given me to guide my steps daily.

What should our priorities look like, anyway?

Our first priority should always be to seek the Lord. Matthew 6:33 says, “But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added to you.” Jesus was very direct. God is first. He is not co-priority. He is the priority. Everything revolves around Him.

Our God shouldn’t just be first, He should be everything. Exodus 20:3 says, “You shall have no other gods before Me.” Nothing else is more important than God…ever. Deuteronomy 6:5 says that we are to love the Lord with ALL of our heart, soul, mind and strength. Every other priority always centers on our love for God and His work in our lives. We are always, in every area, to be about our Father’s business which is to go and make disciples (Matthew 28:19-20).

Priority one is obvious, but easier said than done. We can only make Him front and center when we are in full surrender to His Holy Spirit. This means that every minute of every day we are aware of His presence in us, listening for His leading and submitting to that still small voice He has placed inside of us.

Other priorities are sometimes not as clear-cut. I personally believe that after God the next priority should be marriage (if you are married). Matthew 4b-6 says, “He who created them from the beginning created them male and female, and said, ‘For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh.’ Consequently they are no longer two, but one flesh….”  That’s some pretty tight quarters. One flesh means my husband and I are constantly communicating with each other. Just as my brain, heart, respiratory system, et cetera within my own physical body is in constant communication with each other to function as a whole, so must a relationship with our spouse be in constant communication to function as a whole. We are working as one because we are one.

Ephesians 5 goes on to tell us that wives are under the authority of the husband and the husband is to love his wife as his own flesh. That’s a clear case for marriage being a major priority.

The third priority for me personally is my children. Many Scriptures talk about the teaching and training of our children. Deuteronomy 6 is a great example, but the one that really stood out to me this week was out of First Timothy. In chapter 3 verse 5, it says, “(but if a man does not know how to manage his own household, how will he take care of the church of God?)” This is talking about the qualifications for overseers and deacons, but it is a great checkpoint for me as well, especially as a pastor’s wife. If the needs of my family members are not being met (spiritually, emotionally and physically) why would I think that another’s needs are more important?

God has given me these children for a few, very short years. What could be more important than their well-being? To drive the point even further, First Timothy 5:8 says, “But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith, and is worse than an unbeliever.” OUCH!

For me, the fourth priority used to be the local Body of Christ. (In this season, God has shifted my priorities slightly, so always be open to God’s leading.) Here are some verses to consider if you believe the local Body needs to be a high priority in your life, (or if you think it’s no big deal to leave the Church out). Hebrews 10: 24-25 says, “…let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another;…” First Thessalonians 5:11 says, “Therefore encourage one another, and build up one another…” Galatians 5:13 says through love to serve one another.

Church is important to our Lord. After all, He established it and is coming back for His Bride, His Church. So, it needs to be high on all of our lists of priorities.

Work could be your next priority. I could go on and on, but I think you get the idea. Priorities are guidelines for us, but why are they important? Why am I choosing to place these seemingly severe restrictions on myself? Why does it matter if I decide which things are more important than others?

The answer for me is simple…stress relief. When I remember my priorities, my decisions are often already made for me. Does volunteering at the food bank interfere with my husband? Guess what? No more food bank. Would teaching a Sunday School class interfere with work? No problem, my priority is church. Are my kids sick and need me to stay home from my obligations at church? The decision is already made. I make the call to get a replacement and serve the Lord at home that day.

So many worries are alleviated because we have sought the Lord in advance and he has shown us the priorities that He wants placed in our lives. We should not set the priorities that we want. They must be His priorities over our lives. I Kings 22:5 says, “Moreover, Jehoshaphat said to the king of Israel, “Please inquire first for the word of the LORD.” This needs to be us. Before we set any standard in our life, we must inquire of the Lord. Then, Matthew 6:33 is true in us and not just a verse that sounds good.

At times, during a particularly unique season, we may have to adjust our priorities. For example, when a child has to have surgery or, a loved one is terminally ill. During those times, seek the Lord’s answer and communicate with those who need to know that during this season, this is what the Lord is requiring.

Most of the time though, the issues rage when an ordinary occurrence pops up and we are focused on the wrong thing. James 4:1-2 says that quarrels are caused with our lusts, our passions fighting among us. When I want to be at work, but my children need me at an event, that’s where the “rubber meets the road”. If we are truly depending on the Lord in us though and He has clearly told us what our priorities are to be, the decision has already been made. The decision is hard unless we have been with God and know that our priorities are the guidelines He has given, not our feelings.

I really encourage you to get with God this weekend and seek His face for your priorities. There are many specifics that were not addressed like extended family, neighbors, community involvement, et cetera. That’s why I encourage you to get alone with God and listen UNTIL you hear His voice. Ask Him to be specific so that you can rest fully in Him knowing that many decisions have already been made. His yoke is easy and His burden is light. May we quit heaping loads on ourselves that are not ours to carry.

Seeking Hearts Ministries

My Story

Hang Tight – (and other marriage advice)

Tags

Christian encouragement, christian journey, christian walk, couples, encouragement, faithfulness, family, family devotions, God in marriage, holding on to a relationship, husband, love, marriage, marriage advice, never giving up, practical marraige tips, staying together, wife

image by nairaland

Right now, in this moment, at this very minute, my marriage is really good. I’m not predicting what it will be like in an hour, but right now I am totally in love with my husband and I love spending time with him. Why am I telling you this? Well, many times that has not been the case. Throughout the years of our marriage the last person I often wanted to deal with was my man. Even when I became resigned to stay no matter what, the last thing I could have imagined was being happy. So, today I want to let you know that things are good and I want to encourage you to hang tight. If your marriage is not so great right now, I want to reassure you that it is worth it to stay.*

For whatever reason, I have been remembering lately a lot of what my husband and I have gone through over the years and been in awe that we are still together. We have been married for twenty-four years in just a few days. I know it’s not as long as some, but I can at least share what I’ve learned thus far and what I know for sure is that every single month of togetherness is a miracle!

I’m not going to get into the gory details of our past hurts because they are Mark’s and I’s alone, but just know from the outset that they have been deep and we know for a fact that our God is the Great Physician. It takes a miracle for a marriage to stay put. Hurts in a marriage run deeper than most. When you are vulnerable enough to promise to spend the rest of your life with someone, the harsh reality is that you are open to being wounded. After so many wounds, anything will die, including a marriage. The truly awesome thing is that even death is not impossible to heal for our God. He specializes in resurrections. So, if your marriage has hurts, gaping wounds, or is completely dead, God can soothe, heal and resuscitate. He is able! Hang tight!

So, let’s get to the nitty gritty of some issues that often come up in a marriage. First off, saying your sorry is worth it, I promise. Are you always wrong? Of course not! But, relationships are always worth the apology. Which is more important, you being right all the time, or reaching a better place with your spouse? There is a time and place to stand your ground, but please listen to the Holy Spirit and ask for His guidance (not your grandmother, mom, or friend, but God Himself). I know He tells you to cave in when you least want to, but I am promising you it is worth it! I understand wanting to be right all the time. You have no idea how much I understand this, but if we apologize often when the Holy Spirit does tell us to stand our ground our spouse will be more apt to listen. They will know that this is serious and not just our pride talking.

Secondly, the physical aspect of marriage is important. We all know this, but let me remind you that small touches throughout the day are super important as well as full on contact. If you are in a bad place in your marriage, sometimes simply having some physical contact can bring you back to realizing that this is the person you married. By touching their arm, holding their hand, giving a hug that lasts more than a brief second, or actually stopping the chaos and looking at them face to face can put you both in a better frame of mind. It helps us remember that we chose them and they chose us. We remember their touch. It’s familiar to our senses and it helps. Holding each other can be a good thing.

Third, (this is for the ladies), when is the last time you cooked for your guy? Before you freak out, or tell me I am crazy and old-fashioned let me remind you that “the way to a man’s heart is his stomach.” I’ve always heard this, but now I know it to be true. I have actually had my guy to tear up when realizing that I was fixing a favorite dish of his. It’s not cholesterol free and I thought he was going to think I was trying to kill him, but he was so excited. On another day, when he came home he stepped in the door and smelled supper (a home cooked meal) and got all sappy because he had had a really rough day.

It’s not just my guy, though. In the past, I have watched reality shows about marriage and one couple completely broke up over the wife never cooking a meal. No joke! In this same show, another couple faced the same dilemma. I can’t tell you why this is so important to guys, but it is. That’s how God wired them, so let’s not ask questions and just go with it. (If you google crockpot recipes, it will blow your mind and not overwhelm your already busy day. Once a month cooking is another great option.)

I know this blog seems like that I think things will be easily mended in your marriage by hugging and cooking, but let me assure you that I know marriage is rough. Sometimes, in our house it’s like two pieces of sand paper living together (loud pieces of sandpaper!). Everything we do seems to rub each other the wrong way. But, through the power of the Holy Spirit and the power of the written Word you can hang tight in your marriage. Galatians 6:9 tells us to not be weary in well doing. If God gives us the command, we know He empowers us to keep that command.

When you think that you can’t go on, remember that Christ in you can. Philippians 4:13 says, “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.”

When you think nothing can fix your marriage, remember that “Jesus beheld them, and said unto them, with men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” (Matthew 19:26).

When you feel nothing for your spouse anymore, ask God to give you a new heart. Ezekiel 36:26 says, “A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you an heart of flesh.” Often times, we just don’t want to work at our marriages anymore, but God can change our wants. He can resurrect feelings that we thought were dead long ago.

You can’t save your marriage and you can’t make your marriage better, but God can. Hold on to Him. Hold on to each other and hang tight! It’s worth it!

*This blog is not encouraging anyone to stay in an abusive situation. If you are in an abusive situation, do not stay in that relationship. Please contact the local authorities to help you find a place where you can be safe.

http://www.seekinghearts.org              My Love Story

 

Helping to Build

Tags

basics, battles, body of Christ, building, burdens, calling, Christian encouragement, christian journey, christian walk, Christianity, covering each other, encouragement, family, fitly joined, focus, guarding, guarding each other, having each others back, helping each other, our swords at the ready, protecting each other, protection, standing together, wall building

Nehemiah 4:6 says, “So we built the wall and the whole wall was joined together to half its height, for the people had a mind to work.”

I love the book of Nehemiah. There is so much goodness in it. The leadership of Nehemiah, the teamwork of the people, the enemies getting stronger but God’s people steadily plodding to build the wall anyway. All the prayers and encouragement of the leaders, the strategy…I love it all.

When I came across Nehemiah 4:6 the other day, I of course, focused on “for the people had a mind to work”. After all, that’s usually what pastors I have been around would preach about. The other day though I was asked to look at how smart Nehemiah was to build all the wall to its half way point. My devotional leader Kelly Minter said, “So instead of completing the sections that were easily coming along and leaving the more difficult chunks for later, they decided to get the whole wall to the halfway mark. This may have meant leaving certain portions that were well-along in order to fill the gaps that were leaving vulnerable holes. It was better for the whole wall to be shored up, even though incomplete, than to have fully built sections here and there while others lie disconnected. This feels like divine wisdom to me.”

It felt like divine wisdom to me as well and I couldn’t help but think about our churches. Each church has people who are great at “wall building”. They just seem to be able to pray and trust and have the kind of faith that everyone desires. They build great walls of protection around their loved ones by prayer and standing firmly on God’s Word. Through years of pressing in to Jesus they have faithfully built their section of the wall.

Others are more vulnerable. They haven’t gone through as much faith testing. They’ve trusted in other things until they have finally realized that only God can sustain. They forget to pray first when an attack comes. Their wall still has gaping holes where the Enemy can easily penetrate.

Nehemiah 4:6 tells us the smart thing to do is to come together and help each other build the whole wall until all sections are joined. We may not understand why their section isn’t further along, but we are still called to help. The people of Jerusalem knew that they were still vulnerable if any section was still crumbling. Just because their section was finished, they knew that in order for everyone to be safe all the walls needed to become one, big wall.  That’s just being smart. That’s wisdom. How many times have we heard that we are only as strong as our weakest link? It’s true and it’s true that our church is only as strong as the wall of protection around it.

There are many people in our churches who need help building. Many people are still too vulnerable to attacks. Their foundation is barely started and they need help. Sometimes, it’s just a matter of teaching. People need to know the basics of building a strong foundation through prayer and Bible study and they need a side by side mentor that helps teach them the building process.

Others once had a magnificent wall, but sin, tragedy, or just the pounding of life has reduced it to a crumpled mess. We need to be faithful to help those dear ones clear that rubble away and rebuild. Christian counseling may be needed, forgiveness is often required and the clearing away of lifestyle choices can often help the rubble to be gone and the rebuilding to occur. This often takes time and effort. A fresh build is much more exciting  than the clearing away of old debris, but it often takes rebuilding the old before the whole wall can be strong once again.

Then there are those who are building for all they are worth who need our protection. This is especially close to my heart right now because we have some friends who are being hit from every side imaginable. It’s not quite Job, but it’s getting there quickly. We need to be especially vigilant with these precious wall builders. Our wall is doing okay in the moment, our wall is standing strong, but our sweet brothers and sisters are being beat to death by the Enemy. They are trying to build, they are trying to learn, they are trying to keep the faith, but the fiery darts keep hitting their backs as they are trying to build.

Nehemiah 4 goes on to tell us that in order for the wall to be built and joined together, guards had to be stationed. Some would build and some would guard. Those building had their sword at the ready as well, but they knew someone else was guarding, so they were able to focus on building and not be as disctracted. They were encouraged to keep building because their fellow wall builders were taking the time to protect them. That is so beautiful to me.

That’s what we need to do for each other. Who in our churches needs to be guarded? Who can you hold your sword up for today? I’ll admit I look at my half built wall and think, “I still have so much work to do.” The sad fact is we will always have work to do. Our walls will never be finished completely, but God has called us to protect each other, to help everyone get their wall to the halfway point, to join all our walls together and become less vulnerable from attacks by the Enemy as a whole church fitly joined together (Ephesians 4:16).

That’s a wonderful picture isn’t it? Building and guarding. Building and guarding. Building and guarding. Loving each other like the family we are. Praying together as a true army and lifting our swords not just for ourselves, but even more readily for those around us. Let’s take the example in Nehemiah and make it true today. Let’s build, help, protect and love as we are called knowing that the vulnerable places in our brothers and sisters are our own. Knowing that buiding together is the only way our churches will be strong. Knowing that without the Master Builder we would all be lost. Knowing that our walls will never be perfect, but that fellow believers are raising their swords for our protection and we are raising our sword for theirs. May it be, Lord. May it be.

My Story          Seeking Hearts Ministries

Marriage

Tags

all things for good, anniversaries, anniversary, Christian encouragement, christian journey, christian walk, Christianity, encouragement, exhaustion, family, forgiveness, grace, marriage, past mistakes, prayer, sticking with it, stuffing, temptations, tenacity, worth it

On Saturday, my husband and I will be celebrating our 23^rd year of marriage. Crazy! I can’t help but think of Matthew 19:26, “With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

I love that our anniversary hits on Saturday this year because I can remember the weekend as it really was. Memories of the rehearsal on Friday and actual wedding day on Saturday seem easier to recall when the memories coincide with the actual day. I was eighteen and he had just turned twenty-one. We were so young and yes, very dumb. I’m sure many thought that I was making a mistake, but God knew who my man was behind the mullet and farm boy mentality. God also knew that I needed to see grace in action and He knew that my man was the only one who could be that for me. That’s my man through and through…grace.

Have we gone through rough patches? Oh, yes, horrible patches filled with briars and weeds (many of which we planted ourselves). The only explanation there is for this anniversary is God Himself. He is a true Miracle Worker. You think I’m exaggerating? I’m not and you are just going to have to take my word for it. We have both made incredible mistakes and have come very close to others. We get the statement “but for the grace of God go I” to the fiber of our being. I have no idea how our marriage has kept going except to say that God simply wouldn’t let us stop. I love Him for that.

I always tell people to watch out for year five. It’s a doozy. For me personally, the repercussions from our year five still rears its ugly head at times. I buried specifics from year five all the way to year ten. I had heard a therapist on television say that what your spouse doesn’t know, don’t worry about. He said to stop doing it and move on with your marriage, but why hurt them unnecessarily. So, I took it as a word from God and sought His forgiveness, asked a general forgiveness from my guy and buried it all. My man and I knew that we both had done some awful things, but it was a taboo subject. Neither one of us wanted to deal with it.

A few months before out tenth anniversary I went to a Ladies Bible Study at our church. We studied “When Godly People Do Ungodly Things” by Beth Moore. In all honesty, I took the class to see if I could discern who was and wasn’t saved among my family. Yes, I realize how pious that sounds, but it’s the truth. I didn’t take the class as intended, God drug me through that class. I realized very quickly that burying the past was not what God intended. I prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed that what I was hearing was wrong, but it wasn’t.  When I knew God truly was telling me to confess to my guy and ask his forgiveness I prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed that his heart would be prepared to hear it and forgive. We had two small children at the time and very little money, but wouldn’t you know that God arranged for us to have a private cabin on the water for our anniversary night? I knew this was the moment for confession and God’s grace poured out on us. I had prepared him that I needed to come clean so that he wasn’t blind-sided. I was a nervous wreck, but God’s Spirit was with us. It took several days for things to be fully confessed and worked through and several months of recovery with God healing us bone deep, but I remember that I kept praying that God would not let me close my own wound. I wanted Him to clean out the wounds and keep them open until all the infection was out. I was physically ill from the cleaning at times, but that prayer stayed in the forefront of my mind and He was so faithful. Proverbs 27:6 says, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend…” and our God is the most faithful Friend of all.

I’ve shared with you a small part of my testimony in our marriage to simply demonstrate that things with us have not been easy. I wanted to share so that when I say what I am about to say you won’t just brush it off as a lucky break with two people who always get along and have no problems, or temptations. What do I want to say? Sticking with your marriage is worth it. My man loves me and I love him more deeply than I ever thought possible. He demonstrates grace often (because I need it often) and that kind of depth only comes with time. It only comes with hard work and above all, it only comes with God Himself chiseling off the hard stuff and molding you into the person He has called you to be. We can fake it with a lot of people, but never our spouse and that’s the way it should be. Pray for love to cover your marriage, pray for your desire to only be for your spouse, touch each other often, tell each other what you appreciate about them, spend time together, pray for tenacity and above all pray for God’s Spirit to take over. Pray and stay, people. It’s worth it!

And, to my man, let me just say that I love you more than life itself and more than I ever dreamed possible. Thank you for being a man of grace, wisdom and stength. I admire who you are so much. Happy Anniversary!

Seeking Hearts Ministries

Committing Adultery

Tags

adultery, adultery against God, assuming, assumptions, basics, Christian encouragement, christian journey, christian walk, Christianity, devotions, encouragement, faith, family, family devotions, lusts, temptation

The other day I was reading in the book of Proverbs and came across a lot of warnings against the adulteress. I almost skipped over it thinking that it had no relevance to me, but I am so glad I didn’t. As I was reading, I remembered that God often called Israel an adulteress when she turned to other gods. He warns Israel (and us) that when we turn from worship of Him to anything else, we are in fact, committing adultery against Him. The Church is the Bride of Christ and when we act like we are not, we are adulterers and adulteresses.

We must ask ourselves why it is so easy to stray from being true to our Lord. Why is it so easy to commit adultery against Him? Proverbs 5:3 says, “For the lips of an adulteress drip honey, and smoother than oil is her speech;” We must realize that anything that pulls us away from God seems like a really great thing. We view the payoff as worth it. Our perceptions tell us that the opportunity, decision, or temptation drips with honey. It awakens our desires. It might even look godly on the outside, but at the core it is destructive because it is not God’s best for us.

For example, we have been offered a leadership position at the church, or in our community. It looks like a great opportunity. It would be beneficial to have this position in place. The church, or community, would really benefit. You can see all the good that it would accomplish. You assume it is God’s will because you are excited about it. You accept the position and move forward only to realize that things looked good on the outside (it dripped with honey), but in the end it was bitter because it was not God’s best for you. Proverbs 5:4 says of adultery, “But in the end she is bitter as wormwood…” You thought you were getting delicious honey, but it was wormwood in disguise and you realize you are worshipping a position and people’s opinions more than your God. It’s so easy to fall into a trap like this.

Proverbs 5:8 says, “Keep your way far from her, and do not go near the door of her house, lest you give your vigor to others, and your years to the cruel one;” This verse reminds us that we do not need to go near anything, or anyone, that could cause us to stray. Even if we are aware, we can be easily swayed if we are running too close to the enticement. Galatians 6:1 tells us that when we are helping others to get out of an enticement, we also need to aware. It says that we could be drawn away as well if we are not careful. Why? Because we are getting close to the door of the adulteress. We can smell the honey and be easily swayed. But for the grace of God go us, people, but for the grace of God …

So, I’m keeping it short and sweet this week to allow God to penetrate your heart with any areas that you may be committing adultery in. He is a precious Savior willing to take us back time and time again, (read the book of Hosea), let’s allow Him to make us His pure, spotless bride once again.

Seeking Hearts Ministries

Hang Tight

Tags

battles, Christian encouragement, christian journey, christian walk, Christianity, encouragment, family, family blog, family devotional blog, forgiveness, God is able, God resurrects, God's plan, holding on to marriage, making marriage work, marriage, marriage advice, marriage is work, relationships, spouse

Right now, in this moment, at this very minute, my marriage is really good. I’m not predicting what it will be like in an hour, but right now I am totally in love with my husband and I love spending time with him. Why am I telling you this? Well, many times that has not been the case. Throughout the years of our marriage the last person I often wanted to deal with was my man. Even when I became resigned to stay no matter what, the last thing I could have imagined was being happy. So, today, I want to let you know that things are good and I want to encourage you to hang tight. If your marriage is not so great right now, I want to reassure you that it is worth it to stay.*

For whatever reason, I have been remembering lately a lot of what my husband and I have gone through over the years and been in awe that we are still together. We have been married for twenty-three years and seven months. I know it’s not as long as some, but I can at least share what I’ve learned thus far and what I know for sure is that every single month of togetherness is a miracle!  I’m not going to get into the gory details of our past hurts because they are Mark and I’s alone, but just know from the outset that they have been deep and we know for a fact that our God is the Great Physician. It takes a miracle for a marriage to stay put. Hurts in a marriage run deeper than most. When you are vulnerable enough to promise to spend the rest of your life with someone, the harsh reality is that you are open to being wounded. After so many wounds, anything will die, including a marriage. The truly awesome thing is that even death is not impossible to heal for our God. He specializes in resurrections. So, if your marriage has hurts, gaping wounds, or is completely dead, God can soothe, heal and resuscitate. He is able! Hang tight!

So, let’s get to the nitty gritty of some issues that often come up in a marriage. First off, saying your sorry is worth it, I promise. Are you always wrong? Of course not! But, relationships are always worth the apology. Which is more important, you being right all the time, or reaching a better place with your spouse? There is a time and place to stand your ground, but please listen to the Holy Spirit and ask for His guidance (not your grandmother, mom, or friend, God Himself). I know He tells you to cave in when you least want to, but I am promising you it is worth it! I understand wanting to be right all the time. You have no idea how much I understand this, but if we apologize often, when the Holy Spirit is telling us to stand our ground then our spouse will be more apt to listen. They will know that this is serious and not just our pride talking.

Secondly, the physical aspect of marriage is important. We all know this, but let me remind you that small touches throughout the day are super important as well as full on contact. If you are in a bad place in your marriage, sometimes simply having some physical contact can bring you back to realizing that this is the person you married. By touching their arm, holding their hand, giving a hug that lasts more than a brief second, or actually stopping the chaos and looking at them face to face can put you both in a better frame of mind. It helps us remember that we chose them and they chose us. We remember their touch. It’s familiar to our senses and it helps. Holding each other can be a good thing.

Third, (this is for the ladies), when is the last time you cooked for your guy? Before you freak out, or tell me I am crazy, let me remind you that “the way to a man’s heart is his stomach.” I’ve always heard this, but now I know it to be true. I have actually had my guy to tear up when realizing that I was fixing a favorite dish of his. It is not cholesterol free and I thought he was going to think I was trying to kill him, but he was so excited. It’s not just my guy, though. I have been watching a reality show about marriage lately and one couple completely broke up over the wife never cooking a meal. No joke! In this same show, another couple is facing this same dilemma. I can’t tell you why this is so important to guys, but it is. That’s how God wired them, so let’s not ask questions and just go with it. (If you google crockpot recipes, it will blow your mind and not overwhelm your already busy day.)

I know this blog seems like that I think things will be easily mended in your marriage by hugging and cooking, but let me assure you that I know marriage is rough. Sometimes, in our house it’s like two pieces of sand paper living together (loud pieces of sandpaper!). Everything we do seems to rub each other the wrong way. But, through the power of the Holy Spirit and the power of the written Word you can hang tight in your marriage. Galatians 6:9 tells us to not be weary in well doing. If God gives us the command, we know He empowers us to keep that command.

When you think that you can’t go on, remember that Christ in you can. Philippians 4:13 says, “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.”

When you think nothing can fix your marriage, remember that “Jesus beheld them, and said unto them, With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” (Matthew 19:26).

When you feel nothing for your spouse anymore, ask God to give you a new heart. Ezekiel 36:26 says, “A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you an heart of flesh.” Often times, we just don’t want to work at our marriages anymore, but God can change our wants. He can resurrect feelings that we thought were dead long ago.

You can’t save your marriage and you can’t make your marriage better, but God can. Hold on to Him. Hold on to each other and hang tight! It’s worth it!

*This blog is not encouraging anyone to stay in an abusive situation. If you are in an abusive situation, do not stay in that relationship. Please contact the local authorities to help you find a place where you can be safe.

http://www.seekinghearts.org

Within My House

Tags

christian walk, family, home, integrity, within the home. house

Within My House

 

 

    As I was reading a Psalm the other morning, I came across verse two in Psalm 101. It says, “I will give heed to the blameless way…I will walk within my house in the integrity of my heart.” I was forced to ask myself the question, ‘Do I walk in integrity within my own house?’ Would my family in the honesty of their heart be able to say that I daily walk in uprightness and authenticity within our home? Yes, I need to be able to “let my guard down” and be who I truly am with my family, but isn’t that the point? Who am I? Am I a person who is the same without my public mask or, do I change into someone else the moment the blinds are closed? Do I talk differently? Do I watch different things? Does my mind take a different direction than what my church family thinks? Only the people who live with me twenty-four hours a day truly know that. Are they seeing someone who walks in integrity, or a fraud?

  Integrity, according to The American Heritage College Dictionary, is defined as “the quality or condition of being whole or undivided; completeness.” I have to ask myself if I have a divided heart or, a whole heart. Does my family see (and hear) a woman who is torn between her flesh and the Spirit who dwells in her or, do they see a woman who is devoted to her God consistently? Divided or, whole? Flesh or, Spirit?

  I do not have a complete, whole heart naturally. I like to think that I am a moral person, but in my flesh, I do not serve God with every fiber of my being each second of every day. The apostle Paul communicates this struggle to us in Romans 7. He says that he wants to do the good, but the bad is still present, persisting, trying to get a foothold. The battle continues to rage. No one knows this better than our families. Sometimes, we have held it together for so long with the public that by the time we get home, there is nothing left in the tank but the truth of who we are. What comes out then? If we have truly surrendered all to the Holy Spirit, then He is still coming out. If we are filled with ourselves, then impatience, snappiness, anger and much more comes to the surface. Who bears the brunt of that? Our families.

  We need to ask ourselves, “Who am I within my house?”

  Many times my boys (and my husband) have seen things that I wish they hadn’t. They have heard things that they should never have heard from my mouth. In those moments, (or when God’s conviction has prodded later), I have asked them for forgiveness and we have been able to discuss the situation. My family knows I’m not perfect, but how I handle those imperfections is paramount to how my family views me. Do they see me as a deceiver who never admits a mistake or, as a disciple of Christ who asks forgiveness?

  Integrity is all about having a unified heart. A heart that is not one way in the community and one way at home. Psalm 86:11 says, “…unite my heart to fear Thy name.” The only way to have integrity within our homes is through God. We have to ask Him to provide the unifying miracle of an undivided heart then, take His provision and utilize it. Every portion of our heart must be under His control or, unity and truth are non-existent.

  There will be times when our hearts are broken. There is no need to hide that from our families. They know we are distraught and they need to see Who we run to when our lives are messy. Seeing us struggle with our Lord and come through a stronger Christian will enable them to admit when they need help and guidance. They will remember that you struggled, admitted it and allowed God to bring you through it. They will know that our God is their God and He is trustworthy. They will remember that God mended you and He will mend them. They know it because they have seen it in your life within their home. They need to see a genuine walk.

  How do we walk in integrity day in and day out? Only through the provision of the Father. Psalm 105:4 tells us to “Seek the LORD and His strength; seek His face continually.” This is the only way to have a cohesive heart. We have to rely on Jesus every second of every day, trusting His Spirit within us to guide. We must be in the Word that purifies us and washes us clean daily (Ephesians 5:26). Only then can true integrity reign in every area of our lives. Only then can our homes be the same inside and out. Only then can our families know that God Himself walked within their home through us.

  

When You Have No One to Follow

Tags

encouragement, family, following, generation, Jesus

 

When You Have No One to Follow

 

  Often times I have come across people who are greatly discouraged by the fact that they were not reared in a Christian environment. Some seem to feel that this gives them some kind of excuse as to why they aren’t living for God now. Others are just truly discouraged. They feel they are at a disadvantage and will never “catch up” to other Christians.

  In Matthew 3, we read where Jesus was calling disciples to follow Him. In verses 21 and 22 it says, “…He saw two brothers, James the son of Zebedee, and John his brother, in the boat with Zebedee their father, mending their nets; He called them. And they immediately left the boat and their father, and followed him.”

  James and John had to leave their father. They had to leave the environment in which they were brought up to follow Jesus. Their parents might have taken them to the synagogue each week. They might not have. We simply do not know. But, we do know that when Jesus called both of Zebedee’s sons, Zebedee saw the Messiah as well, heard the call and stayed in the boat.

  The sad reality is that many of us have family who are the same as Zebedee in this passage. They hear the same call that we have heard and simply stay where they are. They choose to keep their life the same and ignore the call of Jesus. This is heartbreaking, but when we hear our own call we have our own choice to make. That is encouraging. No matter what our family environment was and is, we still answer the call of God ourselves. It’s our decision.

    We read later on in Scripture (Mark 3:17) that James and John were given the name “Sons of Thunder.” I have always assumed that they deserved the title due to antics they had pulled, or attitudes. It also could be a foretelling of how they would turn their world upside down for Christ. I still do think that one of those options is most likely the case, but they are called “Sons OF Thunder.” This leaves us with the possibility that their dad or mom (GRIN!) could have been the thunder. We all have family like that, don’t we? They are the “thunder” in the environment wherever they go. When someone finds out we are related, we cringe.

  Again, James and John give us such hope. They revamped their reputation (whether it was their own, or their parents’) because they gave their life to Jesus. They did not allow their dad to hold them in the boat, they pressed on to their calling. Jesus called and they said, “Yes.” What a beautiful picture for us. The “Sons of Thunder” became ambassadors for love and hope and truly did turn their world upside down then, and now. They made their own decision to follow Christ fully.

  Can you just see James and John looking across the way to catch the other’s eye when Jesus said in Matthew 19:29, “And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or farms for My name’s sake, shall receive many times as much, and shall inherit eternal life.” They were assured that it was worth it to follow Jesus. Nothing else on earth can compare.

  So, be excited for the task that God has for you. If your family environment has not been the best, know that your generation can be the generation that starts the legacy for Christ in your family. Know that your children can remember you as the Christian influence that you were created to be…and by the way, don’t be afraid to leave the boat when necessary.

  Is that thunder I hear?