Lessons in Construction Part 3

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christian walk, construction, empty nester, encouragement, expectations, managing expectations, measuring, working with your husband

The last few weeks I’ve been talking about lessons I’m learning while working with my husband. In my last post, I referenced measuring https://tinyurl.com/2tpfmru2 which led me to this week’s contemplation.

When Mark and I were checking and re-checking all of the posts on our first official job together (and many others since then), I discovered that we have to trust the other person’s reading of the tool. Whether it’s a basic level, a measuring tape, or a laser level the person holding the object in place has to trust the other to read the instrument correctly.

That thought led to the understanding that if the person with the knowledge has never shared how to read said instrument, the expectation that the inexperienced person should “just know” how to see things clearly and correctly should not be placed upon them. Can I get a witness?!

Now, just to be clear, Mark and I have not run into this issue with measuring, but we have with other tasks… thoughts for another day…but, while we were setting those posts so many weeks ago I couldn’t help but think along these lines. It led me to ask the question, “Have I taught those coming after me how to read the measuring tape?”

Have I encouraged those around me to read the “level” of God’s Word?

Have I reminded those around me to check and re-check their life with Scripture? Or, have I just expected them to figure it out on their own?

Have I sat back in judgment of someone else’s crooked post, if you will, when I haven’t even given them a measuring tape?

In the past, I have become so angry at adults around me who expected me to “just know” how things were supposed to be done instead of verbally (and by example) showing me the way. I have to ask myself if I have become that same kind of adult.

Titus 2:1-8 says, “But you must say the things that are consistent with sound teaching. Older men are to be level headed, worthy of respect, sensible, and sound in faith, love, and endurance. In the same way, older women are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not addicted to much wine. They are to teach what is good, so they may encourage the young women to love their husbands and to love their children, to be self-controlled, pure, homemakers, kind, and submissive to their husbands, so that God’s message will not be slandered. In the same way, encourage the young men to be self-controlled  in everything. Make yourself an example of good works with integrity and dignity in your teaching. Your message is to be sound beyond reproach, so that the opponent will be ashamed, having nothing bad to say about us.”

Does this verse sound like you? Have you been faithful to lead and encourage? Or, do you expect those around you to “just know”?

Lesson Three on the construction site … don’t just expect, teach.

Am I Treating God Like a Jack-in-a-Box?

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character, expectations, Fasting, God didn't keep His end of the bargain, God didn't meet my expectations, God's character, managing expectations, prayer, trust, worship

The other day I heard a testimony that hit me to my core.

The visiting pastor at a church where I was also visiting explained how he is sometimes guilty of treating God like a Jack-in-a-Box.

Whoa.

That hit me right between the eyes.

He went on with his sermon, but I stayed right in that moment, right in the question of… “Do I treat God like a Jack-in-a-Box?”

Well, it really wasn’t a question. It was a knowing. I knew immediately that I often do treat God like a Jack-in-a Box.

I pack Him around and set Him in a situation. I wind the handle. Meaning, I pray. I quote Scripture to prove to Him I’m right. I pray some more…and some more…and sometimes a little more, but God doesn’t pop out when I think He should …and I get mad.

So, I change tactics. I try harder. I pray some more. I may even add fasting. I quote Him more Scripture. I use my essential oils. I check every box I can think of…winding, winding, and winding … waiting for God to pop out. Waiting for God to keep His end of a bargain I assume we had made.

The more I wind, the more frustrated I become. The more frantic I grow into being.

The more I wind, the more I expect God to pop out at my request.

The more I wind, the more uptight I become.

1 Kings 18:21-29 describes an amazing account where Elijah has a showdown with Baal worshippers. It’s really worth reading, but what I want you to see now is how the Baal worshippers tried to get Baal’s attention. Here’s what the book of Kings says, “So they took the bull that he gave them, prepared it, and called on the name of Baal from morning until noon, saying, “Baal, answer us!” But there was no sound; no one answered. Then they danced, hobbling around the altar they had made. At noon Elijah mocked them. He said, “Shout loudly, for he’s a god! Maybe he’s thinking it over; maybe he has wandered away; or maybe he’s on the road. Perhaps he’s sleeping and will wake up!” They shouted loudly, and cut themselves with knives and spears, according to their custom, until blood gushed over them. All afternoon they kept on raving until the offering of the evening sacrifice…”

I think this is what I must look like when I am winding the handle on my Jack-in-a Box god. I think I’m right, so I assume I will be able to prove it. I don’t actually cut myself, not on the outside anyway. But, on the inside? On the inside, I torture myself with what-ifs.

What if I had prayed more specifically for my kids as they were growing up? Are the choices they are making now my fault?

What if I had given 5 days a week to church work and not four, would I still have been the subject of gossip?

What if I had tried harder, accomplished more, dug a little deeper… would God have popped up as I expected?

This is what happens when I treat the God of the universe like a Jack-in–a–Box.

I go, go, go instead of being still and knowing that He is God. (Psalm 46:10)

I wind the handle and wind the handle and wind the handle as tears flow wondering how long I can keep this up.

Sounds like I’ve been worshipping an expectation instead of a Savior.

Sounds like I’ve been worshipping a box and not God.

Sounds like I need to breathe and stop winding the handle on the Jack-in-a Box…now.

So…where do I go from here?

How do I stop the obsession with the handle on that stupid contraption that has no place in my life?

First off, I set the box down and remember who God is… who He really is.

Psalm 18 says, “I love You, LORD, my strength. The LORD is my rock, my fortress, and my deliverer, my God, my mountain where I seek refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold… “

Secondly, I quit picking verses out of the Scriptures to suit my own agenda. I read until God places the Word He has for me deep in my soul.

Jeremiah 15:16 says, “Your words were found, and I ate them. Your words became a delight to me and the joy of my heart, for I am called by Your name, Yahweh God of Hosts.”

Third, I quit praying just to get needs met and instead pray simply to be close to Jesus. I pray in order to stay in close connection with my Best Friend. I remember it’s about relationship.

 Fourth, I fast only when I get a direct call from God to do so and not just for financial gain.

I choose to worship instead of wind the box.

I choose to leave the handle alone.

I choose the connection of the Vine (John 15) over the expectation of the pop up.

I’m taking my Jack-in-a Box to Goodwill and leaving it there.

Our God deserves to be worshipped for Who He is and not what we think He should be doing.

Our God deserves complete trust and faith in His plan and the timing of it.

Our God deserves to be adored and loved not accused of not keeping the end of a bargain He never made.

God is not a Jack-in-a Box who comes and goes at the whim of our attentions.

God is God.

He is faithful.

He is true.

He is perfect.

He is love.

He is Savior.

He is Lord.

Let’s worship Him and throw the Jack-in-a-Box in the trash where it belongs.

*image by depositphotos

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Lesson Three – Grace is Better than White Knuckles

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choosing God's grace, choosing God's grace instead of stress, choosing grace, coping, coping with tough seasons of life, dealing with expectations, dealing with stress, expectations, holding on to marriage, how to deal with a strained life, how to deal with stress, how to get through tough times, letting go of a tight grip, loosening our grip, making marriage work, marriage, stress, stress relief, tough seasons of life, tough times

Lesson Three – Grace is better than white knuckles.

During this season of lessons, my husband has been out-of-town …a lot. I know many couples deal with this on a continual basis, but for us it’s a new season and a hard thing for us to cope with. We are one of those weird couples that actually love spending time together.

Before this season, I didn’t realize that when you only have a few days a week together (if you’re lucky) there is a lot of pressure on being happy the whole time and making the most of every moment together. A lot of expectations develop that neither realize… until they aren’t met.

A few weeks into this new season, I realized I didn’t want to look back at this time in our lives with regret. I realized that even though we will miss each other, I wanted to be able to go through this season with grace. I had no doubt we would survive this time as a couple, but I didn’t want to bare knuckle my way through it. I wanted this to be a time of grace in action. I knew grace was there with me in the moment, God promises that, but I realized I wasn’t taking advantage of it.

My husband and I began to pray and ask God how to get through this time in our lives with grace instead of stress and He gave us some great ideas. We now have connection points that we can count on.

Are there still some hard days? Yes.

Are weekends still high stressed? Sometimes, but we are choosing to accept the grace that God has for us in this season.

I am learning to release my tight grip on what I believe life should look like right now so that my knuckles are no longer white and His grace is abundant. I’m learning that for me… “getting a grip” actually means letting go.

God can do the same for you. Whether you are in a relationship that is strained, a school program that seems overwhelming, a time of busyness, or a time of relaxation, there is grace for this season. You really can loosen your grip, choose grace and allow God to do His thing.

2 Corinthians 12:9– “But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness…”

Lesson Three – Grace is better than white knuckles.

Seeking Hearts Ministries

My Story

It Might be a Sausage!

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a good laugh, assuming, assumptions, calling, Christian encouragement, christian journey, christian walk, Christianity, devotional, devotions, encouragement, expectations, family devotions, fixing our eyes, focus, gifts, God, God's plan, jealousies, Jesus, laughs with a lesson, perspective, perspective on spiritual gifts, spiritual gifts, trust

      For those of you who know my family well, you will not be surprised by the fact that as I was searching through my freezer last week I came across a bag of, well, let’s say, “unique, unlabeled weirdness”. My youngest son and I could not imagine what these items were, so we finally settled on the notion that they must be sausages. After all, they were gray, oblong, individually wrapped with care, no label anywhere, so (we decided) it must be my husband’s doing. If my husband cared enough to save it, that means it had to be meat. So, we deduced that these weird items must be sausages. I somehow recalled that my sweet man had come home with some kind of leftovers after a men’s meeting one night, so my son and I determined…this must be it. These sausages looked gross to us, but I knew my husband would be extremely excited. After all, how many times do you open a freezer and have sausages that you had forgotten were even there?

A few hours passed and my husband came home for lunch. I, of course, asked him about these sausages. He examined them and became quite excited (as perdicted). He couldn’t remember any sausages, but wow! He was not going to let that stop him from the enjoyment. He proceeded to take one to his office to microwave for a snack later. Let me tell you there was a bounce in his step as he went on his way!

I received a text just a few, short minutes later (his office is quite close) that read, “NOT sausages (frowny face) frozen bananas.” Yes, you read correctly, the offending “sausages” that had not been labeled were actually my cherished, frozen bananas. At one time I had big plans for these bananas, but alas… I forgot about them and now they just looked like a bunch of sausage.

My husband was sorely disappointed, but I was left laughing my head off and then, well, I was convicted. It made me think about how many times I have mislabeled things in my life. I have often looked at a gift from God and labeled it as a “sausage” when in reality it was a beautiful banana. I have often taken the talents that God has instilled in me and refused to look at them as He desires. I view them as worthless and meant for someone else when in reality it is my heart’s desire with a different look than I expected. I have often looked at my gifts as an offense when God sees the beautiful plan He has designed for just that ability.

I was also convicted because I have often caught myself looking at other people’s “bananas” with longing, but labeling my own gift as a sausage. I see their talents as beautiful, yellow, perfectly ripe bananas, but look at my own as a grayish, unappealing, unrecognizable concoction. I need to be reminded that I Corinthians 12:4 – 6 says, “Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit. And there are varieties of ministries, and the same Lord. And there are varieties of effects, but the same God who works all things in all persons.” These verses tell me that no matter the gifts, we all have the same Lord. That’s what matters, our God. He is the One that sees us through, not our gifts.

Remembering this makes me unconcerned about someone else’s gift and not ashamed of my own because I know God is my God just as He is their God. My face is continually looking to Him and when His hand moves, or His voice speaks. I am enthralled because He is my all in all. I don’t see bananas, or sausages because my eyes are filled with Him. The psalmist says in Psalm 27:8, “When Thou didst say, ‘Seek My face,’ my heart said to Thee, ‘Thy face, O LORD, I shall seek.’” That needs to be us. That needs to be our focus…God alone; not whether or not our gifts look the same as someone else’s.

I was convicted in another way when I began to think about how often I have labeled experiences that God has given me as “sausages”. In reality, these experiences were in God’s plan to nourish me and to make me become a healthier person, spiritually speaking. Sometimes, I have taken God’s beautiful banana and frozen it with my bitterness so that it turned into something gray, gross and distorted. Instead of remembering that “His ways are not my ways and His thoughts are not my thoughts” as Isaiah 55:8 says, I deemed His ways as hurtful, unhealthy and not for my good. In reality though, He was molding me and shaping me into His beautiful likeness.

Hebrews 12:1 tells us to “…lay aside every encumbrance [think sausage] and the sin which so easily entangles us [think comparisons] and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith…” This verse tells us clearly to lay everything down, get on with our Christian race and fix our eyes on Jesus. He’s at the finish line and He’s with us every step of the way.

When are eyes are fixed on Jesus, whether He chooses our gifts to be sausages, or bananas we are thankful because we know He can be trusted. If He chooses our talents to be meaty, or a little fruity, it’s okay because we are not fixated on the gift, we are fixated on Him.

Let’s encourage each other today to re-examine the labels that we have place on things in our lives. Let’s re-examine the labels we have place on ourselves, our talents and our experiences. What you have deemed a “sausage” might be a banana after all. It might be the very thing that God has bestowed on you to reach this generation. So, fix your eyes on Jesus, unthaw your gift and finish your race.

My Story       Seeking Hearts Ministries