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Within My House



    As I was reading a Psalm the other morning, I came across verse two in Psalm 101. It says, “I will give heed to the blameless way…I will walk within my house in the integrity of my heart.” I was forced to ask myself the question, ‘Do I walk in integrity within my own house?’ Would my family in the honesty of their heart be able to say that I daily walk in uprightness and authenticity within our home? Yes, I need to be able to “let my guard down” and be who I truly am with my family, but isn’t that the point? Who am I? Am I a person who is the same without my public mask or, do I change into someone else the moment the blinds are closed? Do I talk differently? Do I watch different things? Does my mind take a different direction than what my church family thinks? Only the people who live with me twenty-four hours a day truly know that. Are they seeing someone who walks in integrity, or a fraud?

  Integrity, according to The American Heritage College Dictionary, is defined as “the quality or condition of being whole or undivided; completeness.” I have to ask myself if I have a divided heart or, a whole heart. Does my family see (and hear) a woman who is torn between her flesh and the Spirit who dwells in her or, do they see a woman who is devoted to her God consistently? Divided or, whole? Flesh or, Spirit?

  I do not have a complete, whole heart naturally. I like to think that I am a moral person, but in my flesh, I do not serve God with every fiber of my being each second of every day. The apostle Paul communicates this struggle to us in Romans 7. He says that he wants to do the good, but the bad is still present, persisting, trying to get a foothold. The battle continues to rage. No one knows this better than our families. Sometimes, we have held it together for so long with the public that by the time we get home, there is nothing left in the tank but the truth of who we are. What comes out then? If we have truly surrendered all to the Holy Spirit, then He is still coming out. If we are filled with ourselves, then impatience, snappiness, anger and much more comes to the surface. Who bears the brunt of that? Our families.

  We need to ask ourselves, “Who am I within my house?”

  Many times my boys (and my husband) have seen things that I wish they hadn’t. They have heard things that they should never have heard from my mouth. In those moments, (or when God’s conviction has prodded later), I have asked them for forgiveness and we have been able to discuss the situation. My family knows I’m not perfect, but how I handle those imperfections is paramount to how my family views me. Do they see me as a deceiver who never admits a mistake or, as a disciple of Christ who asks forgiveness?

  Integrity is all about having a unified heart. A heart that is not one way in the community and one way at home. Psalm 86:11 says, “…unite my heart to fear Thy name.” The only way to have integrity within our homes is through God. We have to ask Him to provide the unifying miracle of an undivided heart then, take His provision and utilize it. Every portion of our heart must be under His control or, unity and truth are non-existent.

  There will be times when our hearts are broken. There is no need to hide that from our families. They know we are distraught and they need to see Who we run to when our lives are messy. Seeing us struggle with our Lord and come through a stronger Christian will enable them to admit when they need help and guidance. They will remember that you struggled, admitted it and allowed God to bring you through it. They will know that our God is their God and He is trustworthy. They will remember that God mended you and He will mend them. They know it because they have seen it in your life within their home. They need to see a genuine walk.

  How do we walk in integrity day in and day out? Only through the provision of the Father. Psalm 105:4 tells us to “Seek the LORD and His strength; seek His face continually.” This is the only way to have a cohesive heart. We have to rely on Jesus every second of every day, trusting His Spirit within us to guide. We must be in the Word that purifies us and washes us clean daily (Ephesians 5:26). Only then can true integrity reign in every area of our lives. Only then can our homes be the same inside and out. Only then can our families know that God Himself walked within their home through us.